Posts Tagged ‘Jokes’

@optotrician: Time for an Eye Exam

David Langford, O.D. on April 26th, 2013 under @ the Optotrician, Optoblog •  Comments Off on @optotrician: Time for an Eye Exam

Don't talk to Willie!

Don’t talk to Willie!

Our Walmart Vision Center has a life-size poster of a tough-looking beared guy from Duck Dynasty. Someone thought it would be fun to put a Walmart name tag with the name “Willie” on it.

It’s strange having Willie in the optical because you see him out of the corner of your eye and you instinctively have to look over at him to see who’s there, but the then you feel stupid because you’ve already told yourself a thousand times before that Willie is just a cardboard picture.

The other day, an optician saw a lady trying to talk to Willie and asking a question. Of course it was only for a few seconds, but it was a couple seconds longer than most people would talk to a cardboard picture.

The VC manager decided to take the name badge of Willie after that. Now most people just come over and have a picture taken with cardboard Willie.

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New Topic Category: @ the Optotrician

David Langford, O.D. on August 24th, 2012 under @ the Optotrician, Optoblog •  Comments Off on New Topic Category: @ the Optotrician

Optoblog revolutionized optometric blogging with eye doctor-related comics and poetry. Now we have “@ the Optotrician” which contains quick anecdotes and conversations that actually occur at a vision-center/eye-clinic/optical/eye-doctor-office.

This is à la Love the Liberry blog that I discovered when it was linked to by Mental Floss the other day. It’s so awesome that I’ve already read the archives back to 2007.

By the way, if you would like to be a contributor to optoblog, please see this page.

Without further delay, here is the inaugural post of @ the Optotrician:

Teenage Girl: Hey does anyone have a dime? Do you have a dime?

An asian male (from Asia), 20s, doesn’t want the full glasses power I found written in his Rx. He wants less so his eyes don’t get worse. I explain it’s debatable whether that would help, hurt, or make no difference for his future glasses magnitude, but he insists. I am fine with it as long as he is legal to drive. I show him a +0.75 shift, and he is satisfied with that.

What’s the deal with optometrists in India not prescribing cylinder? I’ve seen several Indians (from India) that have 0.75 diopters or more of astigmatism, and their glasses from last year are spherical.

Guy in 20s: Can I charge my phone here?

Man walks right past sign posting prices of eye exam. Asks optician, “How much is an eye exam?” This happens thousands of times a day.

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Optometry Video

David Langford, O.D. on May 12th, 2010 under Optoblog •  Comments Off on Optometry Video

Apparently there was a video contest, and Marc Schmitt at PUCO submitted a great entry. I recognized three professors in it: Dr. Hannu Laukkanen, Dr. Dennis Smith, and Dr. Lorne Yudcovitch.

H/T to Dr. Maino.

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LASIK Comic

David Langford, O.D. on February 6th, 2010 under Comics, Optoblog •  Comments Off on LASIK Comic

Should I get my eyes LASERed? That depends...

To LASIK or not to LASIK...

I did this one because someone searched for “LASIK comic,” and I’m sure they were sadly disappointment that I didn’t have one.

Now before you get all over me for not spreading sunshine and lollipops about refractive surgery, let me first clarify that the above comic is comical, I thought. If I was told that my chance of winning the lottery was 99%, then I’d probably play it. If I was told that if I played the lottery that I had a 1% chance of dying then I wouldn’t play it.

I feel bad that I have to explain the resurrection reference, but I must make sure that those of you who never went to Sunday school understand that in the resurrection, our spirit will be reunited with our bodies which will be in a perfect form (our bodies, not us), so any LASIK disaster that plagued our days in mortality won’t bother our resurrected body.

My actual opinion regarding LASIK is pretty main stream. If someone really, really wants it and they have the proper medical prerequisites like cornea thickness, refractive error, good eye health, etc. AND they have a really good understanding of the risks and expectations, then I will recommend them to a good surgeon. Perhaps the surgeon that would do my LASIK if I wanted it.

But I don’t want it. I don’t fit the psychological profile since I’m perfectly happy in Night and Day contacts. I’m also rather wary of my family history since I’ve had three close blood relatives get it and most were left still needing glasses or enhancements.

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Glasses Are Too Good

David Langford, O.D. on January 27th, 2010 under Comics, Optoblog •  Comments Off on Glasses Are Too Good

Wife was used to blurry image of husband with old glasses.

Clear vision isn't all it's cracked up to be.

It’s the return of the Optoblog comics! Comics are by far the most searched for items on my blog, so I’m just bowing to demand.

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Answers to Your Search Questions Part 3

David Langford, O.D. on December 23rd, 2009 under Optoblog •  Comments Off on Answers to Your Search Questions Part 3

In Answers to Your Search Questions Part 1 and Part 2, I improved by search juice and answered the questions that seem to be on everyone’s mind.

Well, I’ve done it yet again. There seems to be no end to all the inquiring minds out there. Just to review, I know what IP address you have and the URL that was in your address bar just before coming to my website. A search URL contains the search term that you used.

  1. “is Crizal worth the extra expense” – That depends. The original Crizal, Crizal Alize, Crizal Alize’ with ClearGuard, Crizal Avance’ with Scotchgard, or the next one that they come out with 6 months after you buy the one available now.
  2. “satan’s plan” – This search term was by someone from Lagos, Nigeria, Africa. (It directed them to this post.) Lemme splain. In pre-earth life, Jesus wanted us to have the freedom to choose to follow Heavenly Father and obtain Eternal life. Those who don’t obey God’s will and never repent would be lost. Those who disobey (all of us) would need a Savior in order to be worthy enough to enter into God’s presence again. Well, the Son of the Morning didn’t like that. Satan, wanted us all to be forced to choose God and obey His commands so that none of God’s children would be lost. It’s kind of like liberals vs. conservatives when you think about it.
  3. “what scanner should you use with officemate” – If you are going to scan, go big. You will not regret buying a fast document scanner like the Fujitsu 6130. I used to have a slow HP ScanJet N6010. It lasted two years and died. I wasted so much time waiting for files to scan. With my Fujitsu, waiting is a thing of the past. Let’s say you get an EOB that you want to scan into OfficeMate. You pull up the patient’s file, select the eDocuments tab, and then press scan. It will scan duplex, then you hit complete, and you’re done. Fast, fast, fast. Plus mine came with Acrobat 9 Standard.
  4. “nbeo optometry review notes” – I just wanted to bring this up because I’m so glad I’m done with school and boards.
  5. “how to recharge pachmate dgh55” – I’m thinking you should read the owners manual. If you don’t like keeping dead trees around, then scan it into a pdf with your Fujitsu scanner.
  6. “stylish medicaid frames” – NO SUCH THING
  7. “screening acute angle glaucoma with mydriasis with pen light in pcp office” – Yah, so what I think they want to know is before they dilate somebody, what’s the likelihood that they give them an angle closure pressure spike. I believe that should be in the manual for your nifty DigiScope. Someone in Maryland should just refer to their local optometrist.
  8. “best way for optometrist to get FDA job” – I’m pretty sure you can get any government job you want by contributing enough money to the DNC. If you’re not a trust fund child, then I would spend loads of money to attend optometry school, study hard, work hard, graduate, and join the rest of America in the unemployment line.
  9. “optometrists are stupid” – Someone in Alameda, CA was having a bad day.
  10. “crack officemate” – Some web surfer in Indiana needs a crack for Officemate. Let’s see, I’m pretty sure stealing around $6000 for the initial year and ~$1400 per year after that could be considered enough to get you in trouble with the state optometry board. I don’t think it’s worth it. If you can’t afford it, do yourself a favor and try something else. Or, like I’ve said before, if you’re willing to crack expensive, niche software, then why stop there? Robbing banks and pimping can “earn” you boat loads of tax-free money.
  11. “average christmas bonus for optometrist” – Let’s see. Um, try about $0.00
  12. “pronounce similasan” – put the emphasis over the second “i” and then say the rest really fast. sim-IL-uhsahn. Or call their consumer information line, 1-800-240-9780, and they say it on the recorded message.
  13. “Biofinity review” – This is by far the most searched term by people coming to my website from google and yahoo. Seriously, why don’t you just try it for a week or two? If you don’t like it, then try something else! These lenses could work great for you and terrible for someone else- or vice versa. It’s like asking other people if a certain brand or size of orthotic shoe insert works good.

I’m here to help.

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Clean Optometry Jokes Part 1

David Langford, O.D. on February 16th, 2009 under Optoblog •  1 Comment

I’ve mentioned before how there is a shortage of good, clean optometry jokes. Well, here are some clean ones:

What is a good name for an eye doctor?
Iris.

How come optometry students are so dumb compared to med school students?
Because they only ever get C’s on their tests.

How come eye doctors are so smart?
Because they were good pupils.

What did the myopic eye say to the nose?
I’m watching you!

What did the GP say to the eyeball at a party?
I’ll contact you later.

What is an eye doctor’s favorite type of makeup?
Masclera.

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Jokes That Don’t Translate Well

David Langford, O.D. on February 5th, 2009 under Asides •  Comments Off on Jokes That Don’t Translate Well

Sometimes jokes don’t make sense unless you know the local customs and/or language. Here are three jokes that come to mind:
Guatemala:

  • A mother sends her son to the tienda down the street to get some tortillas. At the tienda the T.V. is playing the Miss America Pageant. When the boy returns home he says, “Mommy, Mommy! At the tienda I saw on the television Miss California, Miss Arizona, and Miss Oregon!”
    His mom replies, “And mis tortillas?”
    “Uh, no, her I didn’t see.”
    [When you say “Miss” and “mis” pronounce is like meece.]
  • A motorist gets pulled over by the police. The officer asks the man, “Can I see your drivers license?”
    “Would you believe it, officer?” said the man. “I left my license in my other pants.”
    “Okay, then. How about your vehicle registration,” asked the policeman.
    “Would you believe it, officer, I left that in my other pants as well.”
    “Ohhhh!” Exclaimed the policeman. “And don’t tell me that you left your billfold in your other pants too!”
    [You have to bribe the police to avoid going to jail for made up violations.]


Canada:

Q: What do you call a traffic jam on the reservation?
A: A blood clot!
[They’re called Blood Reserves up there.]

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