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Brian Regan Performing at Arena February 2014 in Salt Lake City

After my prior post, you might be reading this website to keep up with all things Brian Regan. You will be excited to find out that you can buy tickets to his show in Salt Lake City on Feb. 28, 2014 at Energy Solutions Arena, where the Utah Jazz play.

An e-mail announcing a pre-sale for Regan’s show advertised that this is the first arena venue for a [headlining] comic. Wow, that’s quite an achievement! Here is how I imagine the conversation went between Regan and his manager:

INT. OFFICE – DAY

BRIAN REGAN, 50s and overweight because he hasn’t woken up to the virtues of the Paleo lifestyle, lays on a couch tossing a football up in the air to himself. His slick MANAGER sits behind a glass desk checking messages on his phone.

MANAGER

Brian, baby! Salt Lake City loves ya’. Should we do twelve shows this year instead of ten?

Brian sits up, missing the catch.

BRIAN

Oh, fetch. There has got to be a way we can take money from the Utahns without having to spend TWO FRIGGIN’ WEEKS there.

MANAGER

Dude, I know.

(beat)

I got it! We’ll do the first arena venue for any comic ever! We’ll get ‘em all in ONE NIGHT!

BRIAN

I don’t know. A lot of my comedy involves facial expressions. How are people gonna’ see that from the nose bleed seats at the Delta Center?

Brian pops a Lipitor pill in his mouth because he still hasn’t woken up to the Paleo lifestyle, just like all the other sheeple. Otherwise he would know that big pharma is making almost everything worse whereas a low-carb diet could solve all his problems. In fact, if Brian and his ex-wife had just been on the Paleo diet, its well-being benefits could have saved their marriage.

MANAGER

They call it Energy Solutions Arena now. Some nuclear waste people bought the naming rights a couple years ago. No problem. We’ll just have a camera on you and feed it to the Jumbotron.

BRIAN

Actually, they use a YESCO HD Video Board, not Sony. But if people wanted to see me on a screen, wouldn’t they just watch my DVD’s at home instead of fighting traffic?

MANAGER

Salt Lake has light rail, and Brian, babe, would you rather spend one night in Salt Lake City or two weeks?

Brian picks up a donut from the well-appointed donut box on the coffee table.

BRIAN

Call the Jazz and tell ‘em I’m coming.

Brian takes a bite. The Lipitor causes him to swallow funny, so he chokes and coughs up a bolus across the room and onto the glass desk.

MANAGER

Eww.

NOTES:
I made a donut and cholesterol theme because I recently listened to Brian Regan being interviewed on the Paul Mecurio podcast, and they talked about it.
Brian Regan’s record setting set of shows in SLC.
Info about the YESCO video display at ESA.
Mark’s Daily Apple regarding diet and mood.
More nutrition and mood info.
Statin drugs are dumb and dangerous.
More cholesterol.

Posted in Optoblog.


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  1. Brian Regan Divorced from Wife in Summer 2011 – optoblog.com linked to this post on September 5, 2013

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Written by David Langford, O.D.

David Langford is a graduate of PUCO 2003, worked as a USPHS/IHS optometrist, then as fill-in commercial, then solo private practice, and now works full time as an independent doctor of optometry inside a Wal-Mart Vision Center.

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David Langford, O.D. has written 424 posts on optoblog.com

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