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A friend and classmate of mine, Bret Ball, died yesterday, December 9, 2005 in his home. He was diagnosed with cancer 10 months after we graduated from optometry school. He went through many treatments, but the Lord saw fit to call him Home. He will be greatly missed, and I pray for his wife and family.

I first met Bret while in undergrad. It was outside the biology complex. Him and Nate (another PUCO 2003 classmate) are good friends, and I talked with both of them about optometry school aspirations. The first semester of opt school, there were 4 of us “Idaho Boys” that sat next to each other in the front row. I routinely sat next to Nate and Bret through most of opt school. We studied and practiced together. I was part of the crew that helped him move into a different apartment. He helped my family move when we left Oregon. We ate ribs, Bret’s favorite, to celebrate the end of a semester. Bret and Rachel have left many positive memories with my family. They are true friends.

I can say without hesitation that Bret was a very good man. He was a man of faith, family, and friends. He was also one of the smartest in our class. While the field of optometry has lost one of its rising stars, his impact will most be felt with family. I would ask any of you reading this blog to pray for Rachel and the kids and help the Ball family in any way you can.

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My father used Lensco for his contact lens lab, and now I use them as well. I love how they reduced their price on Ciba N&D. I also love that they offer a new service at www.directcontactlenses.com where patients order contact lens refills online or via telephone.

What are the benefits to using DCL?
Convenience for both you and your patients.
Incremental profits from potentially lost business.
Patient recall with our email notifications.
Patient Toll Free ordering.
Unique to DCL is a pre-paid return label with every shipment.

I’ve heard of other companies offering something similar, but it seemed like they took too big a cut. This service is simple and only costs $240 per year. I’m signing up because I think this would save tons of time for not only the patient but also staff. Check it out (lensco.com doctor registration required to see FAQ).

(I have no contact with Lensco other than ordering contact lenses via internet. I just think this service is cool and think all labs should offer this.)

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Liberals Pick up the Nose-picker Fight

Well, maybe they haven’t yet, but if their current philosophies and democrat history provide any indication, Liberals will soon be spending tax payer dollars to champion nose picker “rights.”

Nose picking is mostly frowned upon in our society, but since several studies¹ have concluded that nose picking is an inherited genetic “condition,” liberals will soon champion special treatment, “rights,” and tax advantages for out-of-the-closet nose pickers (NPs).

But, David, isn’t nose picking a public health hazard? Isn’t it “wrong.” Sure, irresponsible nose picking can transmit diseases to other people: colds, gastroenteritis, conjunctivitis, impetigo². When these illnesses are caused by nose picking, the natural reaction would be, boy I shouldn’t pick my nose- nor should anyone who comes in contact with me or my food! However, this would be republican “hate speech.” Benevolent liberals would have a plan for us all.

The first thing liberals would is pass laws requiring businesses to divert money from profits and install in their buildings one hand washing station per 500 square feet, one hand sanitizer dispenser per 250 square feet, and offer complementary latex-free five-fingered condoms (a.k.a. gloves) at all entrances.

But the liberals would be remiss if they didn’t educate our children about nose-picking. Special NP Ed classes would enter school curriculums nationwide. Liberals will also try to create a provision that students may not opt-out of the class if their parents object to what is being taught about nose picking. Republican parents may object to:
in-class demonstrations on nose picking.
adulation of the sensual nose picking experience.
hand washing and the use of hand sanitizers and hand condoms will be taught as the only source of preventing the public health risk caused by nose picking.
the fact that one could avoid auto- and trans-inoculation by abstaining from nose picking, but this relevant information will not be admissible in the class room.

Parents and students objecting to NP Ed will be called all sorts of hateful things by the Party of Love, among them will be “old prunes” (which look a lot like humongous boogers with a dark tint). These conservative parents will be laughed at in every state except Utah and Idaho. ACLU will mercilessly monitor the teaching habits and curriculums of Utah and Idaho school districts to make sure they comply with the liberal’s interpretation of the law.

I foresee a problem with a blue-state school district in a predominantly conservative neighborhood where the majority of workers are in the health care industry. They will pull their kids out of school to protest NP Ed. Of course, the liberals will call for troops to be sent in to squash the rebellion. Photos of 7th graders being “escorted” back to school with MP5 machine guns pointed at their head will be only available on the Internet since major media outlets will, at first, pretend such photos don’t exist. When the issue is pressed, they will admit they didn’t publish them because of “journalistic integrity.”

Of course, what the parents would also object to would be “Unit 2: detailed instruction on how to pick your friend’s nose.” Of course, picking your friend’s nose will be touted by the liberals as a “routine act, like going to the bathroom” and is also protected by the first amendment. The NP Ed curriculum will encourage students to believe that picking other people’s noses (POPN) means nothing, has no consequences, and relieves a physical and psychological need given to us by Evolution. Of course, forcible POPN with a non-consenting party is “strictly prohibited” unless you are from Arkansas or hold influence in the liberal hegemony. In that case, it is “someone’s personal NP life” and “we shouldn’t meddle in such private affairs” and “what goes on between people’s fingers and noses is none of our concern.”

The ACLU will make sure that all school districts know that they are not allowed to notify parents if their child is an NP or POPN, since that is against “privacy laws” and could defame the child (even if “everyone” does it?). The liberals will make sure heavy fines are enacted on school districts who deal so treacherously against the NP student, which will raise taxes (future headline: San Francisco Residents Donate 80% of Income [to government]).

In conclusion, the plight of nose picker rights to date has largely gone unnoticed, but I guarantee that liberals will soon come to their rescue as they try (in vain) to increase their party’s base.

1. Please note that, like many studies cited by liberals, these studies don’t actually exist. But come on! Isn’t it common sense that many people are born nose pickers? Think of all the kids in the world who pick their nose until their parents scornfully shame them into suppressing their Evolution-given desire to shove a finger up their nostril.
2. Staph. Aureus is one of the primary bacteria found in our nasal mucosa secretions. It is also a causative organism of impetigo (skin infection). Pretend you get a scratch on your skin which creates an open wound. A finger makes a journey from inside a nostril to touch the scratch, and theoretically you could get impetigo.

Comments:
I recently completed reading three books by Ann Coulter. Wow. I wish every “liberal by default” person in America could read her collective works and wake up from the brainwashing given to them from birth by the media outlets and education establishment. Reading Ann Coulter’s work was a direct inspiration for this blog entry. I wrote it because I want America to know that: I am a conservative, I have a blog to voice my opinions, and I vote.
I also misleadingly made the headline look like fact, because as Ann Coulter has shown, the NYT does it all the time with liberal opinions.
David Langford, OD
www.optoblog.com

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